Feeling Committed Yet Out Of Control

Relationships may not always feel in your control.  In reality, however, the results you get are always up to you.  You may have to get extremely uncomfortable, or change the way you show up, but the results are always in your control. It depends on your level of commitment.

The two commitments I made at the end of January have had me pondering about this.  They are to hike 24 miles for a Make-A-Wish Foundation fundraiser and raise $2400 for the foundation.   When I started I thought I could control both commitments. As it has progressed I changed to thinking I could easily control the hiking commitment,  I show up to a certain number of training hikes, I prepare myself for the hikes, bring snacks and leave time on my schedule to rest.  As I continue to get little response from the requests I have made the fundraising, however, feels very much out of my control.  

It is still in my control.  I just have to work harder than expected.

I have been working this for about 3 months now, with limited success.  Even with the $100 I donated to get me started I am only one tenth of the way to the goal.  Just as with the hikes we take through the mountainous regions, this is getting uncomfortable and I am wondering “why was I so crazy to commit to this?”  Yet I carry on.   Sending a few more emails, Facebook messages and contacting a couple more potential sponsors.  I am committed to doing all it takes, even if it means I’m extremely uncomfortable in the process.  I know that for me to hit my goal my commitment level must be raised because my results have not shown up.

Relationships are the same way.  There will inevitably be moments where everyone is uncomfortable.  Whether it is boss to employee, service provider to customer, or spouse to spouse it may take more than you expected to make the relationship successful.  The key is that when you see that the relationship is not working you recommit to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.  If building the relationship is taking more time than expected, make a plan for how to support each other in the process.  Just as a hiker finds the summit after the moment of dispare that almost grounded him.  The greatest satisfaction comes when make relationships work. 

The most important part is to allow everyone to be open about the dysfunction of the relationships.  Though this maybe uncomfortable attempting to mask or hide the problems is a path to failure.

A critical step in working through uncomfortable relationship moments is to check in with what your vision of the relationship is long-term. We must also allow each person in the relationship to walk away or break the relationship if they choose.  Both subjects need more space than I have here so watch for future blogs!

This Easter I am Celebrating Second Chances & Rebirths Because Of Him

The Life Of An Entrepreneur

This is a quote from a friend.  A Facebook post she did venting about the lies that entrepreneurs tell themselves.  My MISSION is to change the view of work/life balance from this to a much more healthy form of working your business dreams in the midst of allowing yourself to live your family dreams!!!

THANKS TO VANESSA HORN for this quote:

THE LIE FED TO ENTREPRENEURS 

There is a myth in the world of entrepreneurship that really pisses me off. Pardon the language; I feel very strongly about it.

The lie is "work for 2-5 years, do today what no one is willing to do so you can live the rest of your life like no one else will."

The problem is, this lie perpetuates working HARDER rather than working smarter.

This lie creates individuals who are living their lives around their work, rather than creating work around their life.

This lie creates a "work now, play later" mentality.

This lie creates workaholics who put their relationships on hold.

This lie creates men and women who abuse their bodies and their health, pushing through to do "whatever it takes."

This lie creates individuals disconnected from their hearts.

I'd believe it a truth if I hadn't sat across from hundreds of entrepreneurs over the years who have had the 2-5 year cycle on REPEAT and now it is 17 years later, or 24 years later, marriages lost, children estranged, and their souls still hungry.

I'd believe it a truth if hadn't lived my life following that advice for 13 years before I reached total burn out.

Supposedly, I had everything everyone wanted--even what I thought I wanted. I loved the work I was doing. Was earning multiple six-figures, recognized as a top performer in my pursuits, earned all the accolades and awards.

Why wasn't it enough?

This driven, passionate woman that you know me to be, and whom I've been most of my life, hit a total low point. A place I previously could never understand when people experienced, because I thought "mind over matter" always won. I couldn't motivate myself to do anything. I felt worn out. I lost my mojo and no amount of desire seemed to be enough to will it back.

I wanted to blame my husband that I "had to be" the breadwinner. I wanted someone to rescue me and show me that life didn't have to be so hard. I had memories that would bring me to tears because of the pain I caused my kids and my husband because I knew I wasn't fully present because I was so preoccupied with another 2-5 year chase.

I knew I couldn't do it that way anymore. I was utterly DESPERATE to find a different way.

I read this scripture in the Message version and it spoke to me so deeply...

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30

"Unforced rhythms of grace"?
Was this possible?

To be continued...

Riding the Roller Coaster of Grief

Riding the Roller Coaster of Grief



Read often and DO it!