Feeling Committed Yet Out Of Control

Relationships may not always feel in your control.  In reality, however, the results you get are always up to you.  You may have to get extremely uncomfortable, or change the way you show up, but the results are always in your control. It depends on your level of commitment.

The two commitments I made at the end of January have had me pondering about this.  They are to hike 24 miles for a Make-A-Wish Foundation fundraiser and raise $2400 for the foundation.   When I started I thought I could control both commitments. As it has progressed I changed to thinking I could easily control the hiking commitment,  I show up to a certain number of training hikes, I prepare myself for the hikes, bring snacks and leave time on my schedule to rest.  As I continue to get little response from the requests I have made the fundraising, however, feels very much out of my control.  

It is still in my control.  I just have to work harder than expected.

I have been working this for about 3 months now, with limited success.  Even with the $100 I donated to get me started I am only one tenth of the way to the goal.  Just as with the hikes we take through the mountainous regions, this is getting uncomfortable and I am wondering “why was I so crazy to commit to this?”  Yet I carry on.   Sending a few more emails, Facebook messages and contacting a couple more potential sponsors.  I am committed to doing all it takes, even if it means I’m extremely uncomfortable in the process.  I know that for me to hit my goal my commitment level must be raised because my results have not shown up.

Relationships are the same way.  There will inevitably be moments where everyone is uncomfortable.  Whether it is boss to employee, service provider to customer, or spouse to spouse it may take more than you expected to make the relationship successful.  The key is that when you see that the relationship is not working you recommit to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.  If building the relationship is taking more time than expected, make a plan for how to support each other in the process.  Just as a hiker finds the summit after the moment of dispare that almost grounded him.  The greatest satisfaction comes when make relationships work. 

The most important part is to allow everyone to be open about the dysfunction of the relationships.  Though this maybe uncomfortable attempting to mask or hide the problems is a path to failure.

A critical step in working through uncomfortable relationship moments is to check in with what your vision of the relationship is long-term. We must also allow each person in the relationship to walk away or break the relationship if they choose.  Both subjects need more space than I have here so watch for future blogs!