Fathers Of Our Modern Age

I have enjoyed ready Parents magazine for over a decade.  While I did so much more religiously ten years ago (Four toddlers in the house meant I wanted HELP!)  the June 2014 edition's section just for Dad's captured my attention.

I sat down to read the first article by Darchak Sanghavi, M.D.   He describes how he is more of an "engaged" father than his Dad.  He also quotes statistics that overall fathers are more engaged than a generation ago. 

I'm personally grateful that my husband follows those statistics.  Our kids are better people because of the way Tommy and I have worked together to teach that all members of the family are responsible for the care and upkeep of the home, the preparation of meals, and the clean up.  (we could all improve too).  My husband cooks 1-2 times per week as do I.  Each of my kids also cooks (on a good week) the family meal once per week.  It's a team effort to make this family run.

I also have problems with Dr. Sanghavi's article, not because I don't believe he states the truth (he's spot on for most folks).  My issues are that it sounds like he's dug up the "issues" without properly tackling the probable solutions.

First he states that the families of today are "best captured by the frenzied and earnest Phil Dunphy, of Modern Family who chronically struggles with competing family demands and is often professionally adrift".  Why do Dad's getting more involved in the home mean that they have to be in struggle?  

I always say that if there is stress and struggle we are not in alignment with our goals.  If your goal is to be an "Involved Dad" (or Mom) and getting to soccer games is a headache, maybe soccer games should be opted out of for a wrestle in the yard.   If you are sacrificing professional growth to pick your kids up from school, or change diapers,  maybe you should begin to create a new career path.

The fact is that everyone finds things in their life that may not be going "just right".  I support anyone who does in taking it as a lesson to figure out a new way of doing things.  Seeing stress or "competing demands"  is an invitation to create something new.

Dr. Sanghavi compliments his own father on his example of selflessness while pines for a "closer" relationship.  He then expresses desire that his own kids "won't feel the same".  I sympathize with the feeling.  I have wished my kids won't "blame" me for things I fell short at but I have also come to realize that if they do it's a good thing.  When they can see where I "screwed-up" they are open to being better than me.  I  am all about being the best parent I can be and seeing my kids be better than me.  My grandkids deserve it.  Whether it is now, or in their adult years, I hope we can all see where we can improve, forgive and move on to create a better reality.

It's what I tell my kids, my clients, myself and my husband.  SEE what can be better then work with God, yourself, your family and your community to make it better.


(ps... one thing I haven't addressed here but was briefly mentioned in the article was the number of fatherless and two-home families.  A subject for another day)